Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Subtle Indicators That Let You Know You Work Out at The Gay Gym

  • there's a class called Dance Aerobic Funk - and boy do they get funky
  • more than normal amount of spandex worn by gym goers
  • Men's showers without dividers (knowledge courtesy of EZ)
  • There is a tanning bed in your gym
  • Guys drop by just to tan
  • your gym has a juice bar
  • your gym has a hair salon
  • you see more than one guy with manorexia
  • gay blogger Andrew Sullivan works out there (EZ spotted him in the locker room)
  • everyone but you is gay
That's right, I joined a gym. Shock, horror. And funny enough, the closest one to me is indeed one of the gayest gyms in D.C. I am fine with this this because
a) I love gays and
b) it removes the heterosexual cruising element and cuts down on the number of anorexic chicks.
The ones that are there (anorexic girls that is) are clearly forced to go to this gym due to proximity to their homes - lack of caloric intake keeps them from straying too far.

Since I always played sports or biked rather than hit then gym,
I also got a session with a personal trainer as I haven't a clue how to use weight machines. I have similarly avoided the treadmill because my inherent klutziness and ability to fall for no reason leaves me with a deep seated fear that I will face-plant onto it at full speed. At my session, the trainer realized I'm a rather hopeless case and basically said "wow, you really have no clue. An hour really isn't enough time for me to show you the ropes".

In related news, I've also decided to train for a 10k, or as I like to think of it, one half of one half of a marathon. This should provide hilarious tales as well because I have absolutely no idea how to go about this.


pistols at dawn said...

I think you just run. Like, a lot. Ideally, in one direction.

I keep having people tell me I need to join a gym, but I can't get over the shame of asking someone to spot me while I bench the bar and they laugh, then put 5,000 pounds on it.

Newsha said...

If you are signing up for a specific 10K, there should be training groups that you could join. They do it with marathons. See you soon.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Reminds me of a joke.

Q: How do you know you're at a gay picnic?

A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Endless successions of insensitive, mean gym teachers put an end to my days of public exercise. I work out in my home, humiliation and fee free.

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

love the gays!

katrocket said...

"everyone but you is gay" hahahaha!

I also love setting big goals with absolutely no plans on how to achieve them. We could run for President!

Blogda said...

Man, don't bother with a running club or anything, all you do is run in a group...which is lame.

Go to a running store and tell a clerk you want to train for a 10K, they will be more than happy to give you advice. Also, make sure you have good shoes, otherwise you might just fuck up your joints.

Grant Miller said...

I don't work out at a gay gym. I work out at an old people gym. I'm always the youngest guy there by about 30 years.

I used to work out at a hot mom gym, but changed memberships because the old people gym was nicer and closer to my house.

I miss the hot mom gym.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Taking a wild guess here, but did you join Results in DuPont Circle? Damn, that plac was even to gay for ME.