Monday, April 28, 2008

Apologies to my Fellow Bloggers

Apologies: I can't read your stuff at work for fear of being busted. And since I work 10.5 billable hours every day (that means more like 11 with a lunch break and whatnot and a hour total to get to and from work) I have almost no computer time. So I'm very sorry I haven't read your brilliant blogs. At some point, I'll a) catch up and b) write stories about work. But right now, I'd rather write about the detritus that floats around my head at work. And I'll visit you all soon.

I also apologize for the ongoing sub-par quality of my blog. Thanks for your patience.


Ms. Laaw-yuhr, Esq.

P.S. I passed the DC bar.

Activity of The Week: Vanity Projects

Should I ever become a world famous lawyer, or world famous anything, the first order of business will be to start a vanity project. For those of you who don't know, a so called "vanity project" is a side gig, often what one considers his/her "true calling" but is actually done to stroke one's already enormous ego. The logic is that the person (me in this case) has lucked up and become famous in one field and therefore thinks his/her "talent" will translate equally well to another field. This is of course a complete fallacy. Some classic examples:

Nero: the emperor who fiddled while Rome burned as the saying goes. Nero actually wasn't such a bad emperor - though while a spectacular fire was ravaging Rome, he took a moment to write some fire-inspired poetry. And he was a truly wretched artist, but he always entered poetry contests which he always seemed to win. I guess other poets preferred keeping their heads to having them crowned with laurels. It's kind of like if W. were a country singer. Unlike W. however, Nero did manage to make some decent decisions as emperor. During the fire he evacuated people to the public gardens where they were temporarily housed and subsequently passed a law requiring the first two stories of all Roman buildings must be stone to help prevent future fire. All in all, better command than the Katrina aftermath.

But what about a more recent example you say? Let's turn to none other than a band, a personal favorite of my sister's, known as 30 Odd Foot of Grunt - aka TOFOG - aka The Russell Crowe Vanity Project Band. You know what you should do if you're an Oscar award winning actor? Channel that mojo into you're 7th grade dream of starting a band. Not to worry - you're lyrics will be the sort you would have come up with in 7th grade. Please to enjoy the following video by TOFOG for his hit "The Weight of a Man". And be sure to watch for the following:
  • band members that materialize out of the wall
  • over use of rose petals
  • cymbols that have strangely accumulated dust
  • video created to evoke Gladiator, but also says "now I'm a matador"

Now that you have seen the video, does anyone else think RC might have written this song to convey that he has a mighty penis? Let's review the lyrics:

This could be heavy,
not as easy,as it seems.
Quite tough to carry,
a lot more inside,that no-one has seen.

But you lying there,
you're not one bit scared,
to shoulder,
a burden like me.

I rest my case.

And what will my vanity project be? Why, it will be a band. A band called (DON'T OPEN LINK AT WORK) Cisco Adler's Nuts , for the sheer visceral reaction and the awesome lawsuits that will inevitably result. See my sis will join too, and we're like two peas in a pod, or like two, well, you know.... And since our heads are completely up our asses at this point, our first album will be titled "We're Already Big In Japan".

Now tell me about your future vanity project.


Monday, April 14, 2008

The Most Pretentious Facebook Page Ever

Yeah, sorry about the hiatus. I've been sick. And working seven days a week as a contract attorney. And the dog ate my homework.

But a while back my sister came to visit. And over many alcoholic beverages, we shared our amusement the very pretentious Facebook pages that some people have created. Come on, do you really want me to believe little 25 year old child that your favorite book is Plato's Republic? Would you like a side order of douchebaggery with your pretention?

So in honor of these brave souls, who shall remain nameless, who set out to create facebook pages that appear to shine with intellect but instead are the sounding brass of mediocrity. In their honor, my sister and I created THE MOST PRETENTION FACEBOOK PAGE EVER. We also took a really pretentious picture of her in the DC cherry blossoms.

Most of the items in the "Interests" section were chosen by going through the dictionary and picking out words we didn't know, so don't feel inadequate if you don't know either.

Now, Behold the page in all its glory!

R**** G*****,

if only for the sake of elegance, is trying to remain morally pure.



Interested In:


Relationship Status:

In a Relationship

Looking For:



May 3, 1982

Religious Views:


Personal Info


tisaning, commensalism, periphrasis, laicizing, envaginating, learning to overcome my corporeal existence


bailiwick, lascers, saggers, graban, emetine, gordian knots, megilp, megaspores, semiotics, telotaxis, villein, the Buryat Republic, the allegory of the cave, Admiral Bembo's Ladder,

Favorite Music:


Favorite TV Shows:

TV is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Favorite Movies:

Weekend (Jean Luc Goddard); Sleep (Andy Warhol); Un chien andalou (Dali et Buñuel); Ballet mécanique (Léger); Le charme discret de la bourgeoisie (Buñuel); Satyricon (Fellini)

Favorite Books:

Atlas Shrugged; Paradise Lost; Human, All Too Human; The Brothers Karamazov; Moby Dick; The Well Wrought Urn; The Oeconomicus; À la recherche du temps perdu

Favorite Quotes:

so much depends


a red wheel


About Me:

That which you call your soul or spirit is your consciousness, and that which you call 'free will' is your mind's freedom to think or not, the only will you have, your only freedom, the choice that controls all the choices you make and determines your life and your character.

15 groups.

See All

Goethe Institut(e) im Göttingen (Goettingen)Sherlock Holmes Club and Purveyors of SherlockianaCognitive SemioticsExistentialismCenter for Linguistic DiversityRaw Food Life StyleWhitehot Magazine of Contemporary Art: the official Facebook groupNouvelle VagueMatthew BarneyThe Harold Pinter Appreciation SocietyFREE TIBET!West Dean CollegeCordwainers College (London College of Fashion)University of the Arts- LondonThe Youngin Europe Facebook Group

Your results for What German philosopher are you?

Martin Heidegger

You are Heidegger: his main interests were in ontology, metaphysics, the history of Western philosophy, and technology. He is most known today for his writings on Phenomenology, Hermeneutics and Existentialism. He is criticized for joining the Nazi party during World War II, and modern philosophers don't agree about his intentions. Like Heidegger, you enjoy secluding yourself often to think about life and philosophy. You're passionate, and your relationships can sometimes be stormy.